Introducing myself to strangers was always difficult So I stop calls and put you on hold My life is a mess, I'm trying to find balance I'm trying to find something that makes sense Cyclothymia, my mood oscillates Schizophrenia, I hear voices Surprised, dispite the illnesses I'm still on my two feet though I'm twitching Look at my feet Look down This is a new kind of sound This is a beat DOWN REMEMBER MY NAME No transition Industrial psychedelic noise hip-hop Put me in a genre with no full stop I always labels so people relate In reality I'm everything you hate Anxiety, I'm shaking Depression, I'm not moving Two pennies in my pockets that's all I got Bad beats, that's all I got Man let's get back This is a new guy you'll like to hate and beat DOWN REMEMBER MY NAME remember my name remember my name It will soon be big soon be big Or maybe make a big flop But I need money I need money you know

(I'm not gonna have a perfect flow for that one, I don't really want to) I would walk in the hallway With a penny and a razor blade Packed up inside my pocket Hands cut, trying to forget I still rely on pain To get through the days I would hurt myself Trying not to faint I would be surprised to find myself Doing it another time, again And it comes and goes like a bad refrain Like a train, like the rain It hasn't always been like this There are some steps I missed They were missing since forever Like when I began seeing shit I would never ever ever ever have thought of. And I remember looking at a slip knot I remember what I thought Killing myself has always been in the back of my mind Though the back of my mind is a mess I can't sort out There always seems to be something good That ends up crushed in front of you I sometimes wonder what my life would have been If I had been a normal kid Swinging as a child, in a park With a loving mom, and a loving dad No gun under the bed No gun on our heads No daddy's belt No voices in my head Echoing in the void yeah Someone contacted me through my instagram He said he could make me famous fir a hundred dollars I knew it was a lie But I hadn't enough money, that was when I was in the street I remember spending the whole day staring at my feet I make my own beats with saima I still don't know why he believes me I said "I'm gonna pay you, I promise" He declined the offer and pressed recording And I already broke a mic because of my screaming I hope I'll have an audience, I'm dreaming My phone is never ringing, alone on twitter The lack of movement triggers my anger I text my mom everyday telling her it's gonna be fine Though I do not believe that And in the "What am I doing" song I talk about suicide That girl in my class who died From her own hands, her own veins I miss you, I miss you, damn... damn... And in the "What am I doing" song I talk about suicide That girl in my class who died From her own hands, her own veins I miss you, I miss you, damn ! damn ! And fuck success I just want fame Be controversial to pay your bills People who tell the truth get downhill And I hope people will remember my name I should lie yeah, I should lie But I don't know if I could I hope you listen to me label I hope you think about me label I'm everything you need label I'm everything you'll ever be label Make me famous, daily life is a prison I hate when my life is a fucking prism I made all the wrong decisions Don't become me, fucking listen Gonna be the allegory of my descent

And sometimes I'd be so numb Feeling like a wasted fuck Always the same, always the same I can't remember my name Up all night, feeling down I'm alright, I'm alright As long as you don't see me Crying in my bedsheets Crying on the voicemail Of my past relationships Old shit, always coming back Head resting on the train track A messy apartment Your love tastes like bitter mint Coke cans, cocaine Molly, blood stains And bottles all on the floor Alcohol corpses blocking the door I don't even take drugs anymore I can't even take my meds I need stimulation I'm bored This shit is breaking my head I hope I will find something Something worth loving I make my beats saturate I fill my lyrics with hate Hoping it will ease the headache I can't fucking take it And the voices get louder Louder and louder Sometimes I scream to stop them But I can't even hear myself Hallucinations kick in Leaving me there suffering Your love has the same taste As a cheap mint toothpaste It's why I don't feel it I don't feel it And sometimes I'd be so numb I can't even wake up Feeling like a wasted fuck I can't even wake up And sometimes I'd be so numb Feeling like a wasted fuck And sometimes I'd be so numb Feeling like a wasted fuck

I'm on gorgeon street, It's cold With my guitar playing folk I can't talk to my folks They're gone, there are only notes now There's a cup right there Just in front of my jacket The rain, the "I'm sorry" faces And the sound of money in their pockets It only lasted 4 weeks Until my mother picked me up My heart started feeling weak I couldn't move in the snow I'd walk at night, trying to not mess with the wrong people Walking in the snow, the rain and the puddles Watching this society I used to be part of I used to part of this When even the poorest men feel like a jetset When you only see a mirror of your regrets When you talk the same language but can't communicate Except hate I'd walk alone trying to find money When all I needed was someone who could tell me That I'm worthy of somethin Just a friend or something pleasing I was afraid to call my mom She didn't know about the meds I had stopped The therapist I had left aside The love I had left aside I sometimes would wake up at night On the ground in cardboard cutouts With my cup empty and my dignity stolen I'd shout and insult this world Like I deserved something Like I needed something And I remember those kids in college Who made fun of my face Who called me a wanker and a creep Yet they had glasses more worthy than me I can't tell you how angry I felt Normally, I would have punched them in the face But here I just had to forget I hate them My mom picked me up She told me all sorts of stuff But most importantly "Just... don't worry Everything's gonna be okay I still love you from very far away"

Man I heard a song yesterday A dude was talking about lean The song was okay There were chicks who were dancing I don't give a shit I'm not a role model I used to take acid when I was alone I used to have a mild addiction to molly That shit destroyed me So quit your fucking praise Get the fuck out this place This ain't for you man Yeah, this ain't for you Those fuckers wanna make xan cool again Over bad trap beats and tasteless lyrics And you end up with lil peep's death and lil xan's entire career I'm a piece of trash, I know right I don't want to call anyone out But when my uncle commited suicide After we found out about his heroin It broke me Have you ever tried to suck a dick just to have your dose Have you ever seen a coke addict pulling strings in his nose Have you ever seen some meth head talk about their death Being aware of what they left Act cool with your xan yeah You don't know shit You don't know shit about the comedowns about the breakdowns The girl playing with her gun Pregnant with her son You don't know shit about mixing substances About your heart stopping without a warning You don't know shit about PTSD Fuck you FUCK YOU I'm not a fucking angel though I take too much crap for my age I know At least I don't try to make it look cool Yeah I'm not a fucking angel though I take too much crap for my age I know At least I don't try to make it look cool At least I don't try to make it look cool I survived but it ruined my life look I guess weed's okay Shit I don't know

We be violent for no reason We be vile in out prison I try to make a change but I See kids wasting their lives Riots, guns and shit Weed and percocets Scars still bleeding a bit Police going hard on it The crowd pushes forward Set cars on fire We'll change this world We'll change this world yuh Stop killing for personal justice Just focus on the police The high men be smiling They fuck us in their office We won't be some Old punk fuck Violet goth Emo fake folk We'll spin the right vinyls Fuck the fake shit We're a slow movement Turn this shit up Smash 'til they stop But go hard on them politics Those popcorn pricks Eating as we slowly Dive into molly that kind of shit Come over and get me if you can, you're fucked Would you fight me if I ran across You can't catch me josh you can't, fuck you Fuck me up 'til I faint, no love I hate you so much, stop trying to speak Your voice means nothing to me I hope I'll smash your head enough You'll suffocate in your own blood Man, have you ever tried taking drugs in a train Trying to balance yourself with the terrain Gravity's an old fashioned trend And heroin is better with friends I don't know why people worship Kurt Cobain I don't know why it's so hype to be insane Man, it's just not fun Man, it's just not fun Come over and get me if you can, you're fucked Would you fight me if I ran across You can't catch me josh you can't, fuck you Fuck me up 'til I faint, no love You can't catch me josh you can't, fuck you Fuck me up 'til I faint, no love Come over and get me if you can, you're fucked Would you fight me if I ran across You can't catch me josh you can't, fuck you Fuck me up 'til I faint, no love And it's been ten days since my last meds I won't take them again Let me in

Soft blue pyjama, worn for three days straight There are stains of everything that I hate Mom was next to my bed with her soft smile On her sad face I said What am I doing ? What am i doing ? please... And sometimes it feels like My life is falling apart But it's just a feeling, doesn't feel right I put the beast to sleep but it still bites And I feel like this shit means nothing Like this shit is just not meant for me I tried to come back, I tried to change But it will never change what I made What am I doing ? What am i doing ? please... We don't know felix, just deal with it Continue making songs for a living One day it'll be painless, you'll forget it Don't try suicide yeah, you'll regret it Time passes and I'm running late There are thoughts of everything I hate I'm thirsty, I'm hungry and I'm lonely If only the meds could have worked, yeah, if only And it's like when mom told me it would be okay She said that while crying in her bed Or when my classmate commited suicide But she was everyday keeping the same smile I'll be alone forever And this woman keeps talking I don't know why I'm still listening And she smokes, she cries, over those sickening beats while saying What are we becoming ? What are we becoming ?

Endless sea of pain Echoes of complaint Make it fucking rain The new kind of saint Endless sea of pain Echoes of complaint Make it fucking rain The new kind of saint Today I opened my scars with razors Just to feel something different I still think I can get better But I'm bitter, make it rain on them fuckers We're crushing your veins Cover with blood stains Cover with black paint Strangle 'til I faint Endless sea of pain Echoes of complaint Make it fucking rain The new kind of saint We're crushing your veins Cover with blood stains Cover with black paint Strangle 'til I faint Endless sea of pain Echoes of complaint Make it fucking rain The new kind of saint Today I opened my scars with razors Just to feel something different I still think I can get better But I'm bitter, make it rain on them fuckers Like a bad refrain Repeating again Hey I'm not insane Head under the train Crashing like a plane Chaos in my brain I don't know my name Head under the train I need cash I need cash We're crushing your veins Cover with blood stains Cover with black paint Strangle 'til I faint Endless sea of pain Echoes of complaint Make it fucking rain The new kind of saint We're crushing your veins Cover with blood stains Cover with black paint Strangle 'til I faint Endless sea of pain Echoes of complaint Make it fucking rain The new kind of saint

We don't know shit But we act like we do I'm lost in it I know we are too Man, we're ill We don't know shit But we act like we do Mom come pick me up Come pick me up Mom come pick me up Come pick me up We don't know shit But we act like we do

I was born in 1998 it already feels like I've lived for too long Recently I've been feeling suicidal I still have time for a song I remember back when I was 5 It's like the oldest memory I have And it already is something gloomy I think my dad was beating Lucy Lucy was my sister, she was 6 years older than me And she's been gone for five years And it honestly feels like it's been forever going Like when my mother ran away when I was seven It looks like everybody wants to runaway from dad And I'm no exception now I saw my mom back when I turned 18 And she did not recognize me She saw the cuts and the bruises all over my arms She realized she had a broken son I began hallucinating in highschool And having dreams about cruel stuff The diagnosis made my dad mad Even more than before He punched me pretty bad When I couldn't take it anymore It led to me having no friends at all I'd bang my head on the walls Hoping that I'd bleed a bit My dad did nothing about it So I only got a therapist lately My depression was aggravating badly I began having suicidal thoughts 'Cuz I wouldn't give a fuck About my health and well being Thinking about death 24/7 So I began taking lots of medication everyday In order to keep myself sane But it failed, at least I thought When I ran away I realized how bad it was to stop And I'm writing this knowing That my mother is listening I know she doesn't mind my unstability I'm the product of my parents she knows it And I hope I won't die before I get famous I can't even think about being anonymous Cuz I need fame, it pays taxes I'd stop taking acid in taxis But yeah do you really think I could Since insane people are getting cool My point is, I'm trying to get out of this shit That's pretty simple on paper but that's honest So I need money Just like a needle in the hay Take the dollars in the hay of needles We all hate when people pay I promise I'll pay for the people Just like a needle in the hay Take the dollars in the hay of needles We all hate when people pay I promise I'll pay for the people I remember listening to madvillainy on vinyl in secret I was trying so hard to relax and forget But sometimes you just can't You just can't But I was born with disabillities That would make me productive But also dangerous to anyone To everyone Lucy, I hope you still know my name We didn't talk much but I cared And I feel very sad every time I see headlines About deaths of red-haired girls with green eyes I still know you liked diet coke But I also remember the rattle when you choked And I remember your favourite ice cream place But also the sound when you screamed for help We loved each other, and if I have to apologize Just know that I'd do anything to get you back I know being called hurty is something weird But I wanted them to know we sufferred We'll make somthing out of this I need fame, not for my ego but for money I need to be free once and for all and I'll leave That's how bad it gets That's how bad it gets I didn't want to get sentimental But you can't trust my mental If you hear me, just know There's money I owe you And I love you Yeah I love you Just like a needle in the hay Take the dollars in the hay of needles We all hate when people pay I promise I'll pay for the people Just like a needle in the hay Take the dollars in the hay of needles We all hate when people pay I promise I'll pay for the people Just like a needle in the hay Take the dollars in the hay of needles We all hate when people pay I promise I'll pay for the people Just like a needle in the hay Take the dollars in the hay of needles We all hate when people pay I promise I'll pay for the people If I don't die too early