I was born in 1998 it already feels like
I've lived for too long
Recently I've been feeling suicidal
I still have time for a song
I remember back when I was 5
It's like the oldest memory I have
And it already is something gloomy
I think my dad was beating Lucy
Lucy was my sister, she was 6 years older than me
And she's been gone for five years
And it honestly feels like it's been forever going
Like when my mother ran away when I was seven
It looks like everybody wants to runaway from dad
And I'm no exception now
I saw my mom back when I turned 18
And she did not recognize me
She saw the cuts and the bruises all over my arms
She realized she had a broken son
I began hallucinating in highschool
And having dreams about cruel stuff
The diagnosis made my dad mad
Even more than before
He punched me pretty bad
When I couldn't take it anymore
It led to me having no friends at all
I'd bang my head on the walls
Hoping that I'd bleed a bit
My dad did nothing about it
So I only got a therapist lately
My depression was aggravating badly
I began having suicidal thoughts
'Cuz I wouldn't give a fuck
About my health and well being
Thinking about death 24/7
So I began taking lots of medication everyday
In order to keep myself sane
But it failed, at least I thought
When I ran away I realized how bad it was to stop
And I'm writing this knowing
That my mother is listening
I know she doesn't mind my unstability
I'm the product of my parents she knows it
And I hope I won't die before I get famous
I can't even think about being anonymous
Cuz I need fame, it pays taxes
I'd stop taking acid in taxis
But yeah do you really think I could
Since insane people are getting cool
My point is, I'm trying to get out of this shit
That's pretty simple on paper but that's honest
So I need money

Just like a needle in the hay
Take the dollars in the hay of needles
We all hate when people pay
I promise I'll pay for the people

Just like a needle in the hay
Take the dollars in the hay of needles
We all hate when people pay
I promise I'll pay for the people

I remember listening to madvillainy on vinyl in secret
I was trying so hard to relax and forget
But sometimes you just can't
You just can't
But I was born with disabillities
That would make me productive
But also dangerous to anyone
To everyone
Lucy, I hope you still know my name
We didn't talk much but I cared
And I feel very sad every time I see headlines
About deaths of red-haired girls with green eyes
I still know you liked diet coke
But I also remember the rattle when you choked
And I remember your favourite ice cream place
But also the sound when you screamed for help
We loved each other, and if I have to apologize
Just know that I'd do anything to get you back
I know being called hurty is something weird
But I wanted them to know we sufferred
We'll make somthing out of this
I need fame, not for my ego but for money
I need to be free once and for all and I'll leave
That's how bad it gets
That's how bad it gets
I didn't want to get sentimental
But you can't trust my mental
If you hear me, just know
There's money I owe you
And I love you
Yeah I love you

Just like a needle in the hay
Take the dollars in the hay of needles
We all hate when people pay
I promise I'll pay for the people


Just like a needle in the hay
Take the dollars in the hay of needles
We all hate when people pay
I promise I'll pay for the people


Just like a needle in the hay
Take the dollars in the hay of needles
We all hate when people pay
I promise I'll pay for the people


Just like a needle in the hay
Take the dollars in the hay of needles
We all hate when people pay
I promise I'll pay for the people
If I don't die too early