1. |
BEAT DOWN
02:33
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Introducing myself to strangers was always difficult
So I stop calls and put you on hold
My life is a mess, I'm trying to find balance
I'm trying to find something that makes sense
Cyclothymia, my mood oscillates
Schizophrenia, I hear voices
Surprised, dispite the illnesses
I'm still on my two feet though I'm twitching
Look at my feet
Look down
This is a new kind of sound
This is a beat DOWN
REMEMBER MY NAME
No transition
Industrial psychedelic noise hip-hop
Put me in a genre with no full stop
I always labels so people relate
In reality I'm everything you hate
Anxiety, I'm shaking
Depression, I'm not moving
Two pennies in my pockets that's all I got
Bad beats, that's all I got
Man let's get back
This is a new guy you'll like to hate and beat DOWN
REMEMBER MY NAME
remember my name
remember my name
It will soon be big
soon be big
Or maybe make a big flop
But I need money
I need money
you know
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2. |
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(I'm not gonna have a perfect flow for that one, I don't really want to)
I would walk in the hallway
With a penny and a razor blade
Packed up inside my pocket
Hands cut, trying to forget
I still rely on pain
To get through the days
I would hurt myself
Trying not to faint
I would be surprised to find myself
Doing it another time, again
And it comes and goes like a bad refrain
Like a train, like the rain
It hasn't always been like this
There are some steps I missed
They were missing since forever
Like when I began seeing shit I would never ever ever ever have thought of.
And I remember looking at a slip knot
I remember what I thought
Killing myself has always been in the back of my mind
Though the back of my mind is a mess I can't sort out
There always seems to be something good
That ends up crushed in front of you
I sometimes wonder what my life would have been
If I had been a normal kid
Swinging as a child, in a park
With a loving mom, and a loving dad
No gun under the bed
No gun on our heads
No daddy's belt
No voices in my head
Echoing in the void
yeah
Someone contacted me through my instagram
He said he could make me famous fir a hundred dollars
I knew it was a lie
But I hadn't enough money, that was when I was in the street
I remember spending the whole day staring at my feet
I make my own beats with saima
I still don't know why he believes me
I said "I'm gonna pay you, I promise"
He declined the offer and pressed recording
And I already broke a mic because of my screaming
I hope I'll have an audience, I'm dreaming
My phone is never ringing, alone on twitter
The lack of movement triggers my anger
I text my mom everyday telling her it's gonna be fine
Though I do not believe that
And in the "What am I doing" song I talk about suicide
That girl in my class who died
From her own hands, her own veins
I miss you, I miss you, damn... damn...
And in the "What am I doing" song I talk about suicide
That girl in my class who died
From her own hands, her own veins
I miss you, I miss you, damn ! damn !
And fuck success I just want fame
Be controversial to pay your bills
People who tell the truth get downhill
And I hope people will remember my name
I should lie yeah, I should lie
But I don't know if I could
I hope you listen to me label
I hope you think about me label
I'm everything you need label
I'm everything you'll ever be label
Make me famous, daily life is a prison
I hate when my life is a fucking prism
I made all the wrong decisions
Don't become me, fucking listen
Gonna be the allegory of my descent
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3. |
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And sometimes I'd be so numb
Feeling like a wasted fuck
Always the same, always the same
I can't remember my name
Up all night, feeling down
I'm alright, I'm alright
As long as you don't see me
Crying in my bedsheets
Crying on the voicemail
Of my past relationships
Old shit, always coming back
Head resting on the train track
A messy apartment
Your love tastes like bitter mint
Coke cans, cocaine
Molly, blood stains
And bottles all on the floor
Alcohol corpses blocking the door
I don't even take drugs anymore
I can't even take my meds
I need stimulation I'm bored
This shit is breaking my head
I hope I will find something
Something worth loving
I make my beats saturate
I fill my lyrics with hate
Hoping it will ease the headache
I can't fucking take it
And the voices get louder
Louder and louder
Sometimes I scream to stop them
But I can't even hear myself
Hallucinations kick in
Leaving me there suffering
Your love has the same taste
As a cheap mint toothpaste
It's why I don't feel it
I don't feel it
And sometimes I'd be so numb
I can't even wake up
Feeling like a wasted fuck
I can't even wake up
And sometimes I'd be so numb
Feeling like a wasted fuck
And sometimes I'd be so numb
Feeling like a wasted fuck
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4. |
Homeless
02:11
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I'm on gorgeon street, It's cold
With my guitar playing folk
I can't talk to my folks
They're gone, there are only notes now
There's a cup right there
Just in front of my jacket
The rain, the "I'm sorry" faces
And the sound of money in their pockets
It only lasted 4 weeks
Until my mother picked me up
My heart started feeling weak
I couldn't move in the snow
I'd walk at night, trying to not mess with the wrong people
Walking in the snow, the rain and the puddles
Watching this society I used to be part of
I used to part of this
When even the poorest men feel like a jetset
When you only see a mirror of your regrets
When you talk the same language but can't communicate
Except hate
I'd walk alone trying to find money
When all I needed was someone who could tell me
That I'm worthy of somethin
Just a friend or something pleasing
I was afraid to call my mom
She didn't know about the meds I had stopped
The therapist I had left aside
The love I had left aside
I sometimes would wake up at night
On the ground in cardboard cutouts
With my cup empty and my dignity stolen
I'd shout and insult this world
Like I deserved something
Like I needed something
And I remember those kids in college
Who made fun of my face
Who called me a wanker and a creep
Yet they had glasses more worthy than me
I can't tell you how angry I felt
Normally, I would have punched them in the face
But here I just had to forget
I hate them
My mom picked me up
She told me all sorts of stuff
But most importantly
"Just... don't worry
Everything's gonna be okay
I still love you from very far away"
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5. |
Druggy boys
02:04
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Man I heard a song yesterday
A dude was talking about lean
The song was okay
There were chicks who were dancing
I don't give a shit
I'm not a role model
I used to take acid when I was alone
I used to have a mild addiction to molly
That shit destroyed me
So quit your fucking praise
Get the fuck out this place
This ain't for you man
Yeah, this ain't for you
Those fuckers wanna make xan cool again
Over bad trap beats and tasteless lyrics
And you end up with lil peep's death
and lil xan's entire career
I'm a piece of trash, I know right
I don't want to call anyone out
But when my uncle commited suicide
After we found out about his heroin
It broke me
Have you ever tried to suck a dick just to have your dose
Have you ever seen a coke addict pulling strings in his nose
Have you ever seen some meth head talk about their death
Being aware of what they left
Act cool with your xan yeah
You don't know shit
You don't know shit
about the comedowns
about the breakdowns
The girl playing with her gun
Pregnant with her son
You don't know shit about mixing substances
About your heart stopping without a warning
You don't know shit about PTSD
Fuck you
FUCK YOU
I'm not a fucking angel though
I take too much crap for my age I know
At least I don't try to make it look cool
Yeah
I'm not a fucking angel though
I take too much crap for my age I know
At least I don't try to make it look cool
At least I don't try to make it look cool
I survived but it ruined my life look
I guess weed's okay
Shit I don't know
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6. |
RIOTS in black and white
02:02
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We be violent for no reason
We be vile in out prison
I try to make a change but I
See kids wasting their lives
Riots, guns and shit
Weed and percocets
Scars still bleeding a bit
Police going hard on it
The crowd pushes forward
Set cars on fire
We'll change this world
We'll change this world
yuh
Stop killing for personal justice
Just focus on the police
The high men be smiling
They fuck us in their office
We won't be some
Old punk fuck
Violet goth
Emo fake folk
We'll spin the right vinyls
Fuck the fake shit
We're a slow movement
Turn this shit up
Smash 'til they stop
But go hard on them politics
Those popcorn pricks
Eating as we slowly
Dive into molly
that kind of shit
Come over and get me if you can, you're fucked
Would you fight me if I ran across
You can't catch me josh you can't, fuck you
Fuck me up 'til I faint, no love
I hate you so much, stop trying to speak
Your voice means nothing to me
I hope I'll smash your head enough
You'll suffocate in your own blood
Man, have you ever tried taking drugs in a train
Trying to balance yourself with the terrain
Gravity's an old fashioned trend
And heroin is better with friends
I don't know why people worship Kurt Cobain
I don't know why it's so hype to be insane
Man, it's just not fun
Man, it's just not fun
Come over and get me if you can, you're fucked
Would you fight me if I ran across
You can't catch me josh you can't, fuck you
Fuck me up 'til I faint, no love
You can't catch me josh you can't, fuck you
Fuck me up 'til I faint, no love
Come over and get me if you can, you're fucked
Would you fight me if I ran across
You can't catch me josh you can't, fuck you
Fuck me up 'til I faint, no love
And it's been ten days since my last meds
I won't take them again
Let me in
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7. |
What am I doing ?
01:46
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Soft blue pyjama, worn for three days straight
There are stains of everything that I hate
Mom was next to my bed with her soft smile
On her sad face I said
What am I doing ?
What am i doing ? please...
And sometimes it feels like
My life is falling apart
But it's just a feeling, doesn't feel right
I put the beast to sleep but it still bites
And I feel like this shit means nothing
Like this shit is just not meant for me
I tried to come back, I tried to change
But it will never change what I made
What am I doing ?
What am i doing ? please...
We don't know felix, just deal with it
Continue making songs for a living
One day it'll be painless, you'll forget it
Don't try suicide yeah, you'll regret it
Time passes and I'm running late
There are thoughts of everything I hate
I'm thirsty, I'm hungry and I'm lonely
If only the meds could have worked, yeah, if only
And it's like when mom told me it would be okay
She said that while crying in her bed
Or when my classmate commited suicide
But she was everyday keeping the same smile
I'll be alone forever
And this woman keeps talking
I don't know why I'm still listening
And she smokes, she cries, over those sickening beats while saying
What are we becoming ?
What are we becoming ?
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8. |
Vivid pain (MELTDOWN)
02:04
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Endless sea of pain
Echoes of complaint
Make it fucking rain
The new kind of saint
Endless sea of pain
Echoes of complaint
Make it fucking rain
The new kind of saint
Today I opened my scars with razors
Just to feel something different
I still think I can get better
But I'm bitter, make it rain on them fuckers
We're crushing your veins
Cover with blood stains
Cover with black paint
Strangle 'til I faint
Endless sea of pain
Echoes of complaint
Make it fucking rain
The new kind of saint
We're crushing your veins
Cover with blood stains
Cover with black paint
Strangle 'til I faint
Endless sea of pain
Echoes of complaint
Make it fucking rain
The new kind of saint
Today I opened my scars with razors
Just to feel something different
I still think I can get better
But I'm bitter, make it rain on them fuckers
Like a bad refrain
Repeating again
Hey I'm not insane
Head under the train
Crashing like a plane
Chaos in my brain
I don't know my name
Head under the train
I need cash
I need cash
We're crushing your veins
Cover with blood stains
Cover with black paint
Strangle 'til I faint
Endless sea of pain
Echoes of complaint
Make it fucking rain
The new kind of saint
We're crushing your veins
Cover with blood stains
Cover with black paint
Strangle 'til I faint
Endless sea of pain
Echoes of complaint
Make it fucking rain
The new kind of saint
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9. |
COME PICK ME UP
01:51
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We don't know shit
But we act like we do
I'm lost in it
I know we are too
Man, we're ill
We don't know shit
But we act like we do
Mom come pick me up
Come pick me up
Mom come pick me up
Come pick me up
We don't know shit
But we act like we do
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10. |
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I was born in 1998 it already feels like
I've lived for too long
Recently I've been feeling suicidal
I still have time for a song
I remember back when I was 5
It's like the oldest memory I have
And it already is something gloomy
I think my dad was beating Lucy
Lucy was my sister, she was 6 years older than me
And she's been gone for five years
And it honestly feels like it's been forever going
Like when my mother ran away when I was seven
It looks like everybody wants to runaway from dad
And I'm no exception now
I saw my mom back when I turned 18
And she did not recognize me
She saw the cuts and the bruises all over my arms
She realized she had a broken son
I began hallucinating in highschool
And having dreams about cruel stuff
The diagnosis made my dad mad
Even more than before
He punched me pretty bad
When I couldn't take it anymore
It led to me having no friends at all
I'd bang my head on the walls
Hoping that I'd bleed a bit
My dad did nothing about it
So I only got a therapist lately
My depression was aggravating badly
I began having suicidal thoughts
'Cuz I wouldn't give a fuck
About my health and well being
Thinking about death 24/7
So I began taking lots of medication everyday
In order to keep myself sane
But it failed, at least I thought
When I ran away I realized how bad it was to stop
And I'm writing this knowing
That my mother is listening
I know she doesn't mind my unstability
I'm the product of my parents she knows it
And I hope I won't die before I get famous
I can't even think about being anonymous
Cuz I need fame, it pays taxes
I'd stop taking acid in taxis
But yeah do you really think I could
Since insane people are getting cool
My point is, I'm trying to get out of this shit
That's pretty simple on paper but that's honest
So I need money
Just like a needle in the hay
Take the dollars in the hay of needles
We all hate when people pay
I promise I'll pay for the people
Just like a needle in the hay
Take the dollars in the hay of needles
We all hate when people pay
I promise I'll pay for the people
I remember listening to madvillainy on vinyl in secret
I was trying so hard to relax and forget
But sometimes you just can't
You just can't
But I was born with disabillities
That would make me productive
But also dangerous to anyone
To everyone
Lucy, I hope you still know my name
We didn't talk much but I cared
And I feel very sad every time I see headlines
About deaths of red-haired girls with green eyes
I still know you liked diet coke
But I also remember the rattle when you choked
And I remember your favourite ice cream place
But also the sound when you screamed for help
We loved each other, and if I have to apologize
Just know that I'd do anything to get you back
I know being called hurty is something weird
But I wanted them to know we sufferred
We'll make somthing out of this
I need fame, not for my ego but for money
I need to be free once and for all and I'll leave
That's how bad it gets
That's how bad it gets
I didn't want to get sentimental
But you can't trust my mental
If you hear me, just know
There's money I owe you
And I love you
Yeah I love you
Just like a needle in the hay
Take the dollars in the hay of needles
We all hate when people pay
I promise I'll pay for the people
Just like a needle in the hay
Take the dollars in the hay of needles
We all hate when people pay
I promise I'll pay for the people
Just like a needle in the hay
Take the dollars in the hay of needles
We all hate when people pay
I promise I'll pay for the people
Just like a needle in the hay
Take the dollars in the hay of needles
We all hate when people pay
I promise I'll pay for the people
If I don't die too early
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